Lesbians Unite! The L Word is Back At Last

Weep no more, fellow gay girls – after ten years, your favourite show to have playing in the background while you ply your date with wine and cats is returning with a brand new series this December.

You heard right, lesbians and bisexual gals, our Second Coming finally has a confirmed date. On December 8th, 2019, we will once again enjoy the scintillating sight of Kate Moennig, Leisha Hailey, and Jennifer Beals all together, sharing one screen. The trailer for The L Word: Generation Q dropped on August 22nd, and although it was intriguingly vague about plot, at the sight of my three beloved lesbian-disasters hugging and declaring ‘I’ve missed you’, ‘I’ve missed you more’, my crops were watered, my skin became clear, my ailments were instantly cured.

Bring on the reunion we have waited a decade for, the more cliché, cheesy, and cringe the better. Watch the trailer below, and then join me for the dissection of the scraps of information our goddess Ilene Chaiken has deigned to toss down to us peasants from her golden Sapphic throne.

Okay first things first, the most screamingly obvious point: Bette Porter has not aged a damn day. Aside from the fact she has now somehow ascended from Badass Art Museum Boss to Actual Mayoral Candidate (sidenote: …huh?), you could have pulled a clip of her from season 4, inserted it into the trailer, and I would not have batted an eye. She is a vampire, apparently, so Alice had better watch out.

I cannot decide whether this is a good look. Is it… an Ellen Degeneres vibe, Al? Is that what you’re aiming for? Somehow she still manages to look adorable, even with the new, questionable white-blond mop and scary pantsuit situation. Truly baffling.

If that plane belongs to Cherie Jaffe, I will literally crawl into the screen and throw Shane out of the cabin door. If it somehow belongs to Shane, possibly now a wealthy criminal after having gotten away with burning down her company Wax and maybe murdering Jenny Schecter, then… I can live with that. One of Shane’s main drawbacks (y’know aside from the crippling commitment-phobia and sex addiction) was her lack of funds. Now that she’s clearly rolling in dolla, she and I can begin our life together in what looks to be her stunning hilltop LA dream home.

(Possibly Shane, possibly a decoy lookalike…)

Alas, the lucky girl that seems to be enjoying my dream life is the show’s new shining star gay, Sarah, played by Jacqueline Toboni (Grimm). She and Shane are maybe… roommates, possibly more, or so it appears from second-long snippet where maybe-Shane can be seen toning up some impressive guns as Sarah relaxes on the deck of her incredible balcony.

So, what do we think of this Draco-blond, fiery pixie as the new face of Generation Q? Personally, I’m always a fan of a hot girl that can demonstrate charisma and potential in under five seconds of screen time. I’d say Toboni delivers. And with guidance from the legend herself, we might be looking at the foetus version of an eventual Shane 2.0. I wait eagerly to hear how she fares on the infamous Pieszecki Chart.

At first, seeing the above schoolchild in several shots, I was perplexed. This show is many things, but pre-teen-appropriate is not usually one of them. And then, like the sound of Jenny’s lifeless body smacking against the pool surface, it hit me. This little cutie might be baby Angelica!

Whilst Bette has admirably managed to keep up her world record of Worst Life Decision Maker given that she has obviously abandoned Tina, the mother of her child and love of her life, for some hussy in her office, it is soothing to know that Angelica appears remarkably happy and well-adjusted. I’m not going so far as to hope for a slowly-emerging lesbian gene to begin surfacing from beneath that beautiful child’s head of gorgeous, natural hair, but it would make for some schmaltzy, L-Word-esque TV.

First boob shot comes in at 0:27, guys. You all guessed it was Shane undressing that girl before it was revealed, didn’t you?

So, what’s the deal with Alice now? She’s dressing like a seventies news anchor, making terrible fourth-wall-breaking jokes live on a stage, and seems to have secured her own television set. Hold up, zoom in on that logo on the cart the newbies are driving… has she made the ‘i’ in her name a vagina?

…I always said she was the best character.

I’m guessing that the fact she’s obviously a super-celebrity now implies that they decided to scrap the ‘Alice Killed Jenny And Went To Prison For Her Murder’ spinoff storyline they teased for a while. But then again, who knows?  Jenny found directorial success despite her many devious deeds; it’s plausible that Alice, in killing the Ribbon-Ponytailed-Demon, consequently made a pact with the Devil to boost her radio show ratings high enough that it was picked up for TV. It wouldn’t even be the most ridiculous storyline The L Word has ever done. I’m looking at you, Adele.

So, the trailer doesn’t give an awful lot to work with, especially since it’s all we have to last us until December. In all honesty, though, who are we kidding? We’d drink these eight episodes down as desperately if they were droplets of crisp, cool, mojito as we lay scorching on an un-shaded beach. There are fresh faces to look forward to getting to know (including acclaimed black trans actor Brian Michael Smith, filling the sorely lacking trans representation on the show – I tend to ignore Max’s poorly written character for my own sanity), dotted amongst some old familiar friends.

Mia Kirschner has tweeted that Jenny isn’t dead, there are rumours flying of a Carmen reappearance, and Ilene Chaiken has stated that, given she is handing the reins of creative decision-making to Marja-Lewis Ryan, she is perfectly happy for the reboot’s new creator to “feel free to say it was a dream if [she] wants to.” Meaning – I type with shaking fingers – that quite literally anything could happen.

Regardless of how it stands against the original, The L Word: Generation Q is a welcome relief from the desert that has, since the season six finale, been so dry and barren of entertaining, lighthearted lesbian media. For millions of girls that love girls, The L Word has been a source of comfort and joy, as well as a classic, failsafe means of connecting with fellow gay women across the world. As soon as the trailer for this reboot was released into the internet, I felt my fellow tribes of Shane-stans and Bette-lickers swarm together once again, ready to pour their tears and love onto the revival of a show that has been, for all of us at least once, a dear, loyal friend.

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